Don't Ask Faust
by Lizard Pie
Summary: Forcing our favorite necromancer to speak almost never ends well.
1. Who's prettier?

AN: I've gone through trying to pluralize and everything, so it should be right. If it's not, please tell me so I can fix it.

Deutschland: Germany  
Serienmörder: Serial Killer  
Polizei: Police  
Kopfgeldjäger: Bounty Hunters  
Gedulden Sie sich bitte einen Augenblick: Wait a minute, please!  
Ich entschuldige mich: I (very much) apologize  
Bitte: Please

Faust didn't bother to look up from his reading as the bickering couple came storming into the room. He was used to this by now –living with children who would squabble constantly.

He had never been good with children, far from it. Neither had Eliza, to be honest. Short bursts were fine, which was how they were able to handle a family clinic. But it wasn't as if they were going out of their way to be around them.

Eliza had made herself scarce a while back to avoid it all. She never told him where she went. She had explained it once that if he knew where she was, he would go to her and they would follow him or something like that; somehow it had made sense at the time to the point it had become habit to let her go.

A habit which always didn't register he would regret in a few minutes. So there he was -trying to look so absorbed by his reading that it would be a crime to bring him into the conversation.

That tactic never worked.

"Faust'll settle this." Son of a bitch. "Faust, who's prettier?"

The new room mate, Hao, more demanded than asked anything. Faust didn't even know why Hao was here… he'd just moved in one day. And since Faust couldn't go back to Deutschland because he was a serienmörder, he didn't have any grounds to complain for risk that they would throw him out. So, he dealt with it as always.

"Eliza," he told him flatly, not bothering to look up. It was funny, though; he hadn't heard the girl's voices. Hao's little fan-girls would be obediently quiet if he told them to be, yes. But Anna most certainly would not have been.

"No," Yoh told him, "You have to pick one of us."

Funny, again; he could have sworn he'd heard 'one of us'. Cautiously, he peeked over the top of his book.

Dear God, they were in ball gowns… Yoh had a straight red dress with a black bolero jacket, Hao had a layered violet two piece with silver glittery spirals on the top and long slits in the skirt. 

Yoh had let his hair down and removed the headphones.

Their nails were painted.

They were in high, extravagant, black platform shoes.

They were wearing as much make-up as Eliza would to the theater.

Faust stared at them blankly for a long while, mouth hanging open in shock as he tried to remember how to make words again.

"Where did you…"

Hao cut him off, "It doesn't matter, just pick."

Faust shrunk a bit into himself as he desperately tried to think of a way out of this situation. "Do… do I really have to?" He asked finally, almost a whisper.

"Yes," The two snapped back.

He winced at the reply, eyes darting for any line of escape. "I… um… well…" he fidgeted nervously, "I…"

"And don't just pick because of what Anna did for you." Hao once again spoke in an ordering tone.

Yoh looked indignant. "But don't forget who took you in and shielded you from the polizei and kopfgeldjäger!" Yoh shot back.

Hao didn't look in the slightest way defeated, but then, he had never done that. "He crippled you and Eliza," he said silkily.

Yoh frowned, looking ready for a bit of a pout. "He tried to kill you!"

Hao smirked back. "Ah, but can I kill Eliza? I can't do much, considering you already stole her legs."

Yoh pursed his lips like he'd tasted something sour. "Cheater! Come on Faust, you can see through this!"

Hao shrugged. "I'm not cheating, I'm just trying to keep him impartial, you're the one who brought a fight on."

It was a like watching a train wreck in slow motion, seeing these two fight. No… he liked that phrase but it wasn't accurate.

More like being alone; tied up to the point you couldn't move a muscle and watching a time bomb count down.

They suddenly had found an even ground to rest on and had come to staring Faust down. He looked like a deer in headlights as he looked from one to another.

"I… I don't know…. I can't decide…" He babbled out. The two narrowed their eyes at him bitterly. He stalled for a long while pretending to think about it.

When he clamped his eyes shut as to not see their reactions, he didn't notice they were no longer looking at him.

"I… I think Hao the prettiest… I always thought Hao was prettiest." Now that they had nothing to hold against him, he opened his eyes and smiled nervously.

They weren't remotely looking at him, but over his shoulder. He froze for a minute, wondering what they could have been staring so fearfully at.

Faust made the mistake of turning around.

Murphy must have been an absolute genius –you could only count on three things in the world. Taxes, death and that Murphy's Law would always be proven right.

Eliza was standing in the door way –crying silent all over the notebook she was scribbling in. When she met his eyes, hers were puffy and red.

She ripped the message off, crumpled it into a ball and ran off down the hall.

"Eliza! Bitte! Gedulden sie sich bitte einen augenblick! Ich entschuldige mich! Eliza!" he begged after her down the hall, having to run to even try to keep up.

Hao and Yoh watched the door he had left through for a long while before finally turning their heads to one another.

"So…" Yoh began, "We have another few hours left on these costume rentals. Wanna go screw with someone else's life?"

Hao shrugged and checked another name off the list.


	2. Is there a doctor on board?

AN: Was originally going to be a separate fiction before I realized it was a DAF. And to Falcon Strife, there will be a Manta chapter. I just needed to get this one out of my system first.

Ficken ethik: basically 'fucking ethics'

Knabe: boy

"Ugh," Asakura Yoh said, sounding ready to vomit, "Facing backwards makes me feel sick."

Someone else shouted in terror, "Ah! Don't puke on me! Is… is there a doctor on board?"

Faust shook his head –he'd been trying so hard to ignore those children and have a nice flight. Ultimately, though, he sighed and turned in his seat.

The little blue-haired boy from the ceremony was staring at him with a look Faust recognized to be terror. Asakura Yoh, on the other hand, was looking slightly green.

He, of course, could completely ignore this. After all, the first one was a very rude little idiot and the second had stolen Eliza's beautiful legs (on top of other unmentionable things…). But…

Faust bit his lip and rolled his eyes angrily before muttering 'ficken ethik' under his breath.

"Asakura Yoh," he called loudly, digging through his bag.

There was a rather pregnant pause from the other, in which Faust was forced to turn in his seat again.

"It is rather rude, knabe, to ignore your elders."

"What do you want?" he asked sheepishly, taking the smallest step backward. Maybe to where he'd left his sword.

"Get over here," Faust told him flatly, "Or I shall be forced to come get you."

"Why should he?" the other asked curtly, fists balling as if Faust were actually asking for a fight (or, for that matter, as if he could actually _get up_ and go over there quickly).

"You, my dear boy, were the one who asked for a doctor, yes?" Faust was almost, but not quite, surprised by the look of shock that crossed the child's face. "Now, Asakura Yoh, I will not say it again. Get over here."

While the two children discussed feverishly what they should do, Faust began to grind selected ingredients into a fine powder.

He poured it into a water bottle (his ONE water bottle, by the way) and gave it to Franky.

"Shake it," he ordered softly, which the dog promptly preceded to do.

This had taken a full two minutes, and there was still no one standing next to him. The whole thing was getting tedious. If he had not already wasted the ingredients and his _personal_ water…

With an irritated frown, he looked to his wife.

"Eliza, my love, would you be so kind as to fetch the Asakura boy?"

She looked to him blankly before nodding, leaving her seat, and walking back.

He smiled just slightly as he heard the children yelp and fight fruitlessly against her.

"Hey! Call her off!" the boy from the ceremony yelled.

"It's your own fault," someone he believed to be called 'Tao Ren' snapped, "Just stop fighting her."

"She's gonna _kill_ me though!" Yoh cried. The other shamans on board were now laughing as the fight drew to an end.

Faust smiled happily. That was his Eliza –always coming through for him.

She appeared at his side shortly, the boy struggling from his position thrown over her shoulder.

"Ah, so nice of you to join me," Faust smiled, his teeth clenched. "You really should learn some respect for someone trying to help you." He waved a gloved hand to the empty seat next to him. "Right there would be splendid, Eliza. Thank you."

With a hollow nod, she dumped Yoh unceremoniously into it. When he tried to get out, she pinned him into place with one arm.

Yoh was breathing a little heavier as he seemed to realize his position. He was unarmed, alone, and vulnerable with Faust VIII.

If Faust had wanted to, he could take care of the situation. Have Eliza snap his worthless neck, or perhaps pull his heart out.

But… that could cause some problems –considering Faust was out-numbered and not exactly in the mood to risk her at the moment. As much as he'd wanted to, it would be more trouble than it was worth.

"Honestly, your behavior is very rude." Faust curtly told him, holding the water bottle up to the light to check its opacity. "I'll have you know, for as much as I hate you –and believe me, I _do_ hate you- I am a doctor first."

He unscrewed the cap and offered it over. "Now drink all of this."

Yoh looked at him with wide eyes as he fruitlessly tried to pry Eliza's arm off his chest. "N… no."

Faust's eyes narrowed, "My patience for you is drawing very thin, Asakura Yoh. Now drink."

He was stared at Faust for quite some time before there was another shake of the head.

Faust grit his teeth fiercely. "Honestly, it's like working with an infant. Eliza, his arms if you don't mind."

She instantly had both his wrists clamped in her free hand. Yoh fought against her before Faust grabbed his jaw with one firm hand.

"I would apologize that this will taste bad but, quite frankly, in your case I don't care." Faust pried Yoh's jaw open and poured the liquid down his throat.

The boy sputtered but did swallow enough.

As soon as the bottle was empty, the pair let the Yoh go completely.

"In ten minutes you should be feeling much better." Faust told him dully as he took Eliza in his lap, "Now get back there and keep your friends _quiet_."

Yoh sat for just a second, eyes darting, before getting out of the seat and tearing back down the aisle.

Almost immediately, the three were noisy again –saying something about how Yoh would die from poison, how maybe he should make himself throw up. (As if he could, Faust smirked; he'd put in a suppressant for vomiting.)

That paired with the enormous, and loud, group in the back meant that there was no chance for the quiet he'd asked for.

Still, Faust was fine. He'd done his good deed for the day –in his own style, of course.

Still… "Eliza?" He said lightly, resting his head on her shoulder and leaning his face lovingly against hers, "After I am made Shaman King… let us never go back to Japan. The children are so unappreciative."

She moved her hands to hold his and said nothing, as she never did anymore.

But… as he let himself fall to sleep, he could still sense the fragments of soul her bones held.

So, for right now, she didn't need to.


	3. What is that?

AN: A Manta chapter by request. Not sure at the moment what will be next.

Amerika: America

Richtig: Right/Correct

According to Yoh, Faust and Eliza had been sitting at the kitchen table all day with some kind of red box and tweezers. Beyond that, he hadn't really bothered to find out.

So it wasn't as if Manta was completely in shock seeing the two still sitting there, faces screwed in concentration, when he came over at eight o' clock. He was even less surprised that they didn't notice him enter the room and grab a drink from the fridge.

"Hey Faust, what do you have there?" He asked after a long, silent period.

The necromancer jumped slightly before turning in his seat and smiling, "Ah Manta-kun! How was school?"

Mentally, Manta rolled his eyes. It wasn't at all unlike Faust to miss the beginning of a conversation –and then, instead of admit he hadn't been paying attention, make up one of his own. After knowing him long enough, he knew it was best just to play along.

"Oh, it was fine… nothing much…"

Faust smiled apologetically, "School is the same over in Germany, I'm afraid. It was never very exciting until college." He turned back to the table, softly hitting Eliza's hand as he found she'd been playing without him. "It does get better, though."

"That's good," Manta said dully, taking a sip and craning his neck for a better view. It was just too high up, though. "What is that thing, anyway?"

"Oh, it's a game from…" He turned his attention slightly, "Amerika, richtig?"

Eliza nodded, not taking her eyes off his work.

"Yes… well… it's called Operation. Quite addicting, actually." He looked over at the clock on the stove and winced, "It seems we've been playing a good deal too long, though."

"How'd you get a game from…?"

Faust smiled over his shoulder, "Eliza bought it as an anniversary gift."

It was rather doubtful, when Manta thought about it, that she had any idea what the word 'anniversary' meant in Japanese. Still, she smiled and nodded brightly.

The curiosity was getting the better of him –Manta needed to see it. He'd never actually _seen_ an American board game, anyway.

Disregarding the fact that it was something Eliza had bought, and the pair was now obsessed with, Manta climbed into a chair to get a good look.

He froze as he looked over the game board, mouth hung open in terror.

"Uh… Faust?" he asked, shaking just slightly as he forced a smile.

"Hm?" Faust asked, not taking his eyes off the game as he skillfully pulled what looked to be a plastic butterfly out of the figure's 'stomach'.

"Did you… did you tape my picture to the game?"

In shock, Faust dropped the piece back in. He looked to Eliza, and then stared at the picture taped over the drawing's face.

"Huh… it's probably been like that the whole time… I didn't even notice…"

Noting where everyone was looking, Eliza said something lightly in German. A small smile broke momentarily over Faust's face before he nodded and turned to Manta.

"That was Eliza as part of the anniversary present. It was only a joke…"

Manta blanked, "That's… your idea of a joke?"

The pair looked to each other for a moment before nodding.

Manta's eye twitched as he waved his hand toward the game board. "And you guys just… didn't see anything wrong with this?"

Faust translated for Eliza when she appeared confused. After he finished, she shook her head.

"It only for private," she explained softly, "So I say that…"

"This is really, _really_, twisted," Manta told them flatly –staring at his picture smiling up from its place. "You guys are sick."

"We apologize, Manta-kun," Faust said quickly, "We did not think…"

"Yeah…" He hopped down from the chair, not wanting to even take the drink with him, "I'm just gonna… leave now…" He didn't look back as he left the room, muttering something about psychos.

The couple watched the doorway for a long while before Eliza began to giggle. After a moment, he joined her.

"I owe you 1,000," Eliza told him softly in German, a wide grin pasted on her face, "I could have sworn he'd tear that picture off."

"He may just be accepting us…" Faust told her with a shrug, going back to fishing a rubber band out of the hole.

"Ya know…" she said idly as she took her turn, "We really were pretty nice… We could have been a lot meaner."

"Hm?" Faust asked with one corner of his mouth pulled up.

Eliza shrugged, "You could have told him the game said for him to get a second opinion."

The two looked at each other for a long while before breaking into laughter.

"Well… Damn it," Faust said, covering his mouth to pretend he hadn't found it funny.

"Yeah… you think we could have gotten him to do that little scream he does?" she asked, taking another look at the door way to make sure he wasn't listening (as though he could understand them, she reminded herself).

When there was no one, she clapped her hands together. "Double bet says I can do it."

Faust covered his eyes and shook his head as his shoulders shook in silent laughter. Finally, he waved a hand to allow her to go.

With a broad grin, Eliza hurried off down the hall to find her victim. Faust didn't bother to pay attention as he set the game up once again –but smiled as, sure enough, there was a scream.


	4. What's a Period?

AN: Nothing much to say about this one except that it came from a topic in chat and was supposed to be a comic I was too lazy to finish.

It had been a stupid idea. A stupid, stupid, STUPID idea. Trying to change Hao back to a child would just mean that security around him would have been doubled or so, meaning it would be harder to get rid of him.

And beyond that, him practicing the spell while there might have been others around.

So, because of his idiocy, he and Eliza were stuck babysitting the four-year-old versions of his team-mates –all five of them.

Well, four now.

Pirika had decided to take her brother for the day, and Eliza had gone off grocery shopping, so it was just him and the four remaining boys.

He'd never had experience babysitting but, he had to admit, it wasn't so bad. If you gave them coloring books and television, they behaved themselves.

He'd been reading peacefully all evening while they played –only occasionally having to tell them to settle down.

The entire group looked up at a knock at the door.

"Door!" Ryu called cheerfully.

Faust smiled lightly, nodding to them as stood from his seat.

"Just stay there, I'll get it," he told them. He strode across the room and opened the door to reveal a crying Horo Horo.

Faust sighed –this was not what he needed. He picked the child up and brought him into the room, cooing softly, "It's alright, ssh… what's wrong?"

Horo sniffled, "My sister's being real mean," he said, wrapping his arms around Faust's neck and burying his face in the scarf, "She's yelling at me an' I didn't do anything!"

The necromancer sighed, patting the back of Horo's head lightly, "She might just be on her period. There's nothing to worry about."

Horo paused, moving his head to look at Faust, "What's a period?"

Faust blinked, staring at the child, "You don't know what a period is?"

"Nuh uh."

"Any of you?" Faust asked, looking around the group.

They all shook their heads. He tightened a corner of his mouth before slowly letting a smile spread across his face.

He'd _always_ wanted to give 'the talk'. Ever since his father's, well, _disturbing_ one, he'd wanted to prove he could do it better.

There was a possibility that, if Eliza stayed an over-soul, he'd never have children. So, really, this might be his only chance. And it couldn't be said Faust VIII passed up opportunity.

"Well, I'll have to tell you!" He put Horo on the floor and began to draw quick diagrams, "Come children; it's story time!"

All five lit up and crowded around the table eagerly.

"This story is called: What the Hell is Menstruation?"

They giggled, but sat down and listened intently.

"When boys and girls get older, they go through a thing called puberty." He held up a diagram of two naked people, pointing things out as he mentioned them. "With boys, the testicles drop and the penis lengthens. You'll start growing body hair, your voice will drop, and you'll start growing faster as you develop testosterone.

"With girls, they start developing estrogen. The breasts develop and pubic hair starts to grow. However, they also start a process called menstruation.

"This is when the egg finishes it's lifestyle (usually about a month), then begins to break down and come out as blood for three to seven days."

Chocolove blanched, "And they don't _die_?"

Faust raised an eyebrow, "No, of course not."

"But… they're bleeding so much…"

"Ren's sister isn't dead."

Ren's jaw quivered, "_SHE_ does it too?"

Faust nodded. The child shuddered and curled into himself.

"Anyway, when this happens,. They go through something called PMS. This usually entails cramping, mood swings and cravings…"

"Hey! 'Liza! Did you get that, too?" Yoh asked cheerfully.

Faust paled and looked up from his diagram.

Eliza stood at the door, jaw dropped and hands shaking as they clenched the bag of groceries.

"J-Johann… are you… giving the _talk_?" she asked hesitantly, eyes darting around the group.

He nodded hesitantly.

She swallowed, then dug through the bag. She pulled out a container and offered it down. "Here, I bought cookies. You can have them if you all forget everything he told you."

They cheered, running over and taking the package.

"Johann? Can I see you _outside_?" she hissed as put the bag on the counter, grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the room. "What the _hell_ is wrong with you?" she snapped as soon as the door was shut.

"What do you mean? They were asking, and I…"

"They're _FOUR_!" She snarled at him, "You don't do that until they're ten or so!" She clenched her hair at the roots, "Oh my god, what are we… why… oh god…"

He smiled awkwardly at her, "Eliza, it's not so…"

She held up her hand to silence him, "Just go. I have to try to undo this." She went back into the room and locked him out of it.

The children stared at her, faces covered in cookie crumbs. Eliza sighed before smiling lightly at them. "Not so many, you'll spoil your dinner…" She sat down and sighed irritably at the diagrams Faust had drawn. "Alright, we're going to have to…"

"Why do girls have to do that?" Ren asked softly, keeping his eyes on the ground.

She ran a gentle hand through his hair as she though how best to approach this. "Alright, since you aren't going to forget this, we'll go through it slowly. Let's start with the difference between boys and girls…"

It was two hours later that Eliza finally opened and looked out the door. Faust looked up from where he sat, smiling lightly. She stared at him for a long while.

"Well, I did it right," she said, mouth tightened, "I shouldn't have had to, though."

"Oh," he said, moving over to give her a place. "Did it go well?"

"Fine," she sighed, sitting down next to him and elbowing him softly. "You're way too eager to ever be a father, Johann. If I ever have a child, you don't get to do any of the raising."

He put his arm around Eliza's shoulder, pulling her closer, "At least you're always there to clean up after me."

She laughed softly, "What would you ever have done without me?"

"Die," he said, kissing her on the cheek.

"Yeah, you really would have," she said, looking him over. "Let's go in. And DON'T traumatize them again."

He smirked with a shrug, "I'll try, but I'm so over-eager…"

When she glared fiercely at him, he smiled nervously, "Joking! I'll keep my mouth shut for the rest of the night."

"You're damn right you will," she told him, "Just go eat your udon."

He kissed her again before they stood and went back inside to the children.


	5. The 'Smell of Death'

AN: Based on a chat a very long time ago. I know this isn't as… refined as I usually am. But this is one of the most amusing to me.

Faust smiled as he approached the graveyard, craning his neck just slightly to see the figures sitting on the inside of the gate.

Were they… children?

And one of them about… five if he guessed right.

They must have been… after all there was no other reason for them to be there –especially in the rain as they were.

Because a graveyard is not the best of playgrounds –especially compared to the fine one he passed on his way from the hotel.

If this was not his opponent, perhaps he should direct them that way.

He smiled down to Frankensteiny, "Why don't you sit here while I make sure this is them?" He chuckled lightly, taking another look at them, "If it is, after all, I should say hello before beating them down."

Franky yipped before sitting down obediently next to where the scythe had been placed.

Faust nodded and re-adjusted the briefcase in his hand before walking down the steps to the cemetery. He smirked as he listened to them whine about the rain –the wait –as all children do. Talking about someone named 'Anna'.

The more he heard, the more sure he became that one of them was indeed his opponent.

He hoped he didn't disappoint them too much as to who they were expecting as he took a final, loud step to get their attention.

"There you are… Anna, where have you…." The older of the two children stopped dead as their eyes drifted up to his face.

Faust raised a hand welcomingly, "Guten tag."

They continued to stare at him blankly, making Faust's smile become slightly more nervous.

"Asakura Yoh?" he asked hopefully.

The older one nodded, "… Yeah, that's right. And you must be…"

Faust grinned and tipped his hat in greeting, "A pleasure to meet you… I'm your opponent, Faust VIII." He opened his eyes to look them over as he chuckled, "I hope you'll go easy on me."

Not that he needed it of course… this 'Yoh' could only be about… 14 at best. So, there could be nothing of the challenge that the last one had.

Though… it was best not to think of the disrespect Eliza suffered during the last match. It simply made him too mad that his opponent was allowed to die in the hospital of her injuries rather than on the ground at his hand.

But… that was in the past. Now, all he had before him was what was going to be a ten-minute match at most.

Yoh blinked, standing quickly. "Uh…." He smiled nervously, "… Nice to meet you too."

Faust looked him over as he sensed the nerves. It must have been threatening to come across a real opponent for apparently the first time…

This was strange, because the boy hadn't even seen his over-soul yet. Any of them.

Faust decided to laugh cheerily to ease the pressure, "Don't worry, I'm actually quite relieved. I was afraid you'd be some sort of walking horror…"

As his last one had turned out to be… He placed a hand on Eliza's head lightly to shield her from the thought of it.

Don't focus…

The started speaking between themselves, a comment drifting over about how unmanly he looked. His eyebrows came together just slightly at that, but he decided not to make it an issue.

"Do not trust him, Lord Yoh," some previously unheard snarled.

Faust looked up as what must have been this boy's ally came out of nowhere. A samurai reaching for his sword and glaring fiercely into Faust's eyes. The two stared each other down for a moment before the spirit continued.

"I smell it… this one reeks of death."

Faust narrowed his eyes before shaking his head innocently, "I don't understand what you could be talking about. I most certainly do not."

"I've spilled rivers of blood… you cannot deceive me…"

Faust scoffed, "I couldn't… she does not smell of death…. Well…" He smiled nervously for a second, "The smell of death _is_ there, of course, but… it is not all that over-powering… You can still smell her perfume and her shampoo…" He smiled to himself as he took a deep breath and imagined he was taking her in.

"And, besides…. That smell wouldn't have gone to me, even… I mean, it was only a fifteen minute thing before I left to steady my nerves…" The smirk broadened, "And a half hour a while before that…. And an hour early this morning…" He practically giggled as he remembered that one, running his fingers on where Eliza's skull lay against his breast.

When he looked over, the three were staring at him in shear horror.

He hesitated before letting his mouth twitch up nervously, "… Or did you mean something else?"

The samurai took a moment to collect himself again, "I… uh… meant to say that you're a murderer…"

Faust paused for a long while as he processed this. Finally, he realized what he'd done, "…Oh…. Oh!" He laughed nervously, "Well, you are mistaken… you see, I used to be a doctor, and over enough time, you touch a lot of death in that profession…"

The tiny child looked away and muttered, "Yeah, apparently."

Faust sighed internally –he should have kept his mouth shut. Well, there was no going back.

"I should explain myself, shouldn't I?" He said, snapping his fingers to call Frankensteiny over as he threw off his coat and hat. "Meet Eliza, my beautiful partner."

He gazed at her lovingly for a moment as they hissed something to each other.

Faust smiled brightly to her, "Believe me… were you old enough, you would not be able to resist her either."

He leaned close to coo to Eliza as he brought her from her slumber, "Don't worry, liebe… this won't take long. And then, we can be together again."

He looked back to the group, noting that the midget had run off, and frowned.

He couldn't let such a wonderful specimen run away before he had a chance to examine him just a little.

Faust took a quick peek at his pager and smirked –fifteen minutes was plenty of time to be in and out.

As long, of course, as he wasn't interrupted.


	6. Is that makeup?

AN: Just don't ask about this one... Yet another piece based on a chat conversation. I enjoyed making it, though.

Guten Morgen -Good Morning

Entschuldigung -Excuse me

Guten Abend -Good Evening

Gewiss -Of course

* * *

They'd just made his birthday something small –just the two of them. With being so far away from home, and being with children who already were convinced that 33 was unbelievably old, gaining another year was hardly something you'd benefit from talking about. 

A quiet dinner across town, a gift or two –but mainly just sneaking away from the group to have some much-needed time alone.

Eliza sat against him, smiling lightly as she passed the last gift. Faust returned the grin, and slowly opened it.

The smile slowly diminished as he blinked and looked more closely at what was in the clear, plastic bag. "Eliza… what… Is this…?"

She nodded with a grin, "Yes. It was hard to match it to your skin tone without you around…" She held the bag closer to his face, "It's perfect."

His eyes darted, "…But… why did you?"

She unzipped the bag and took one of the pieces out, "Don't fidget and I'll show you." She pushed him to lean against the tree trunk, and began to work.

Faust sat quietly, confused but compliant.

Finally, she pulled a mirror from the bag and let him see himself.

Slowly, a smile spread across his face, "Eliza… this is incredible…! I… I can't believe…"

Eliza grinned, "I told you you'd like it…" She moved closer, "You look wonderful right now, by the way."

He raised an eyebrow, "Do I?"

She nodded and moved up to kiss him. He moved down to join her, slowly bringing his hand up to run through her hair. When she responded, he continued on and let the night progress as it did.

!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!

Yoh trudged into the diner, eyes half-open due to exhaustion. After he was finally able to raise his head, he was forced to pause.

Someone he didn't know was sitting at the table the Funbari Onsen had claimed basically on the first day –eyes struggling to stay open as he slouched over his coffee and too-forcefully buttered toast.

The man stifled a yawn before inhaling the smell of the coffee and then taking a sip. He winced and mixed in more sugar before drinking again. Longer this time –so apparently it was finally right.

Yoh stared at him for a moment –he hadn't even seen this guy before, he didn't think. Maybe this was one of the many people who'd come to simply watch the matches. There were more of them coming nearly every day at this point, so it wouldn't be all that unusual.

But… he was wearing an oracle pager…

How, after so long in Patch, had Yoh not seen him? And why wouldn't he be with his team? Patch wasn't exactly the safest place in the world –and it wasn't advisable to simply walk around alone… Maybe this guy was strong enough not to care that he was by himself and infringing on another team…

But if he was so strong, why wouldn't Yoh have heard of him before?

He paused and looked closer. He couldn't be positive… but the skin under the guy's shirt seemed to be darker than it should have been… Almost gray…

Yoh blinked… it _couldn't_ be.

"…Faust?" he asked hesitantly as he slowly came closer, "… Is that you?"

The man looked up and smiled exhaustedly. "Guten Morgen, Yoh-kun," he said as he motioned with a wave of his hand to the empty chair beside him, "How was your evening?"

"Faust, what happened to you?" Yoh asked, staying firmly where he was.

Faust blinked in confusion, "What on Earth are you talking about?" He thought for a moment before smiling, "Oh… you mean my being tired? It doesn't happen often, but after a long enough night I can become exhausted…" He raised his cup of coffee with a grin, "The caffeine should get me back to normal soon enough, though."

Yoh raised an eyebrow and shook his head, "That's not what I'm talking about, Faust."

The necromancer paused, eyes darting around the room for a second before he looked back at Yoh, "… Then… what is it?"

Yoh's mouth twitched into a nervous smile, "Well… you look like a normal person…"

Faust matched his expression, "…What?"

He tilted his head just slightly and pointed to his own face, "The bags under your eyes are gone, your lips are normal… You don't look like you."

Faust paused for a moment as he tried to sort out what was being told to him. "I… um…" As he finally realized what was going on, he blushed slightly and shook his head. "This is really nothing… It was just one of Eliza's ideas…"

Yoh moved closer, leaning in to get a good look at Faust's face. "Are you… are you wearing make-up?"

Faust blushed and shook his head, "No, of course not. I would not…"

Yoh grinned a bit as he took a seat, "Well, you look completely different from every other time I've seen you –no bags and no purple lips. So… I guess there are two options." His smile grew as he put his chin in his hand, "Either you were wearing make-up then, or you're wearing it now."

Faust frowned deeply and turned his head away, "Honestly, this is ridiculous. I do not wear make-up."

"Not even because it was Eliza's idea?" Yoh pressed, grinning more.

Faust narrowed his eyes and returned to his breakfast –eating the toast with more ferocity than he usually would. Yoh grinned a bit, but then slowly let it fade. This was hilarious… but…

There was always joking between the group –but Faust had always been so distant. Always too serious, always too quiet, always way too far mentally to ever really be one of them.

But, finally, there was something that could potentially bring him in. If it was going to, though, he needed to handle this very carefully.

"That's what you looked like before, huh?" Yoh asked, leaning back in the chair as he looked over Faust.

The necromancer paused as he drank his coffee. After a long while, he placed the cup back on the table and nodded. "More or less, yes." He looked down for a moment, "Eliza missed seeing me like this... I… I was just trying to…"

Yoh nodded and smiled lightly. "You look great, Faust," he said, "Don't worry about it."

Faust glanced over and smiled back after a moment, "Danke, Yoh-kun." He looked down, "Have you eaten yet…? You really should before Anna decides to start your training session for the day…"

"Oh my god…"

The two paused before looking over to see The Ren had sat themselves at the next table –and probably had been watching them for quite a while now.

Faust frowned slightly, shifting his weight uncomfortably, at the grins the three were sporting.

As Horo Horo's smirk grew, Yoh shot him a look and shook his head to signal the Ainu to drop it. Horo shook his head in return as he left the table and strolled over to the pair.

"So… trying to pick up a date, eh Faust?" he asked smoothly.

The necromancer looked him over for a long while before his eyes slowly began to narrow. "Entschuldigung?" he asked coldly.

"I bet ya' found a real nice guy with all that lipstick on…"

"I would _never_ do that against Eliza," he hissed, his gloved fingers were slowly starting to clench around his coffee cup, "That you would even _suggest_ it is an insult."

Yoh saw this, and tried his best to signal to Horo to just quit while he was still alive. But, with his team mates sniggering, he wasn't open to listen.

He leaned against the table smugly, "Did you…"

Whatever he was going to say was cut short as, in one smooth movement, Faust pounced, pinned Horo to the ground, and put a scalpel to his throat.

A wide, bitter smile spread across Faust's face, "Say it again." When Horo Horo gulped, Faust leaned down a bit more to whisper silkily in his ear, "Go on, I dare you."

"Faust…" Yoh said, standing up and putting his hand firmly on the table, "Don't hurt him…"

Faust shot a look back at him and held it there. After a long while, he nodded and stood –sticking the scalpel back into whatever pocket it had come from. "Fine." He obediently returned to the table and began to eat once again.

Horo rubbed his throat and sheepishly slunk back to his table –keeping a very careful eye on the necromancer who was apparently just ignoring him once again.

As his teammates snickered, Horo glared at them, "Shut up. Both of you, just shut up."

"I can't," Ren told him, a smirk spreading across his face, "You were just nearly killed by a transvestite."

Faust's eyes narrowed again. It was not the insult to him which was so bad… It was the insinuation that something Eliza had thought would be wonderful should be taken like this…

That her intentions were less than pure…. It couldn't be stood for.

As he began to reach for his scalpel again, Yoh put a firm hand on his arm.

When Faust looked over, Yoh shook his head.

"Just leave it alone," he said flatly. When Faust gritted his teeth and glared back at them, Yoh squeezed his arm and gave him a look, "Don't, Faust. Come on, let's just leave."

Faust glared back at The Ren, but finally nodded and followed Yoh out of the diner.

!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!

When it occurred to him that, yes, he _had_ heard something, Chocolov's eyes creaked open. As he realized that someone was sitting across the room, watching them sleep, he shot awake and cried out to alert his team mates.

After the initial shock, the three stared firmly at the intruder.

Faust sat in a chair across the room, grinning bitterly. With the shadows of the night casting across him, and without the makeup which had made him look so innocent that morning, he'd become a far more threatening a figure than he'd ever seemed to be before.

"Guten Abend," he said, silkily, the grin spreading just slightly, "I was wondering when you'd wake up."

"Get out!" Ren snapped, reaching a hand over quickly and grabbing his Kwan Dao. He paused and glanced over in confusion when he found he couldn't lift it.

Someone had planted their foot on it. Ren slowly let his eyes drift up to find it was Eliza –staring down at him with a corner of her mouth lifted. After a moment she shook her head that no, the weapon wasn't going anywhere.

Ren bared his teeth and roared, "Let it _go_ you…"

"You what?"

He froze and looked back at Faust, who's eyes had narrowed fiercely –though the smile was still on his face.

He frowned deeply in return, but loosened his grip, "Nothing."

"Yes, I thought so." Faust laced his fingers in his lap, "You three were very rude little brats this morning."

The boys looked at each other and sunk down a bit. When Chocolov grinned and opened his mouth to make a joke to lighten the mood, he was stopped by a back-handed slap on the shoulder from Ren.

Horo's eyes darted to find his snowboard. It was across the room –with Eliza standing between. His mouth twitched into a nervous smile, "Well, we…"

"You don't believe you can actually defend yourselves, do you?" He asked flatly, and then chuckled for a moment, "I'll have you know, I _have_ heard all the little jokes at my expense. From as far back as I've been with the group, I believe." He shrugged, "Well… it's my turn, now."

"But the two idiots on _your_ team…" Ren began forcefully.

"Are _not_ part of this," Faust said flatly, fingers clenching the backs of his hands. His smile began to reveal teeth –the white a startling contrast against his dark lips. "This is just you and me."

"What are you going to do…?" Horo Horo asked, trying to appear as threatening as he could.

Faust shook his head, "Oh, don't worry. You'll see. Are you ready, Eliza?"

With a sweep of her foot, the Kwan Dao was sent sliding across the room until it hit the far wall. "Gewiss," she said with a nod.

Ren dove for the weapon, but she soon had him pinned painfully to the floor.

Faust looked fiercely at the other two, "Anyone else want to be brave?"

They looked at each other, then shook their heads.

"Good." Slowly, he stood from his chair, "Let's begin the operation, Eliza."

!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!

Faust looked over from his chair facing the window and smiled as his roommates began to wake.

"How was your night?" Yoh asked exhaustedly as he went for his bag to retrieve fresh clothing.

Faust shrugged as he averted his gaze and waited patiently for them to prepare for the day, "Nothing out of the ordinary, really." After a few minutes, he turned his head back, "Shall we go…? Breakfast won't be for much longer…"

The group nodded, and then filed out of the hotel room. As they left the hotel, though, their attention was drawn to the large crowd formed by the far wall.

Though Faust tried to lead them away, he reluctantly followed behind as they head toward it and worked their way to the front. As they got there, however, they stopped dead.

The Ren had been duct-taped to the wall –their faced covered in thick amounts of makeup. They were looking around the crowd with wild, furious eyes –and probably would have been yelling if their mouths had not been taped, as well.

Tilting back in a chair next to them and tapping the Kwan Dao idly against her foot was Eliza. When she spotted her teammates, she smiled and waved her fingers in a quick greeting.

The boys stared for a long time.

"…Faust…" Manta said hesitantly after a period, "What did you guys do to them…?"

Faust smiled lightly and shrugged, "We didn't do anything. They must have made the wrong people very angry, and they got themselves into trouble. But my Eliza is so wonderful that she would stand watch over them all night so that they wouldn't get hurt…"

The boys paused, exchanging nervous glances with each other.

"Well then…" Ryu said, glancing over, "Shouldn't we get them dow…"

"Nein!" Faust told him flatly. When he realized the tone, he put on a nervous smile, "I mean… no. They're fine for right now. Come along –breakfast is very important."

Quickly he ushered his team away.

The Ren tried, as best they could, to yell after them for help –but with their mouths covered it was of no use.

Eliza looked back at them and chuckled silently to herself –settling in to stand guard for the several more hours that she would need to.


End file.
